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Me, I’d rather watch that flick again – “Listen, you’re no good at this!” – than pay some twat to knead me bits. Did ya know, back in Victorian times, docs used “massage” to “cure” women’s “hysteria”? Fuckin’ mental, right? Just vibrator prototypes, mate, true story! Makes me angry – all them posh gits pretendin’ it’s medicine. Nowadays, it’s all “tantric” this, “sensual” that – load of wank! Bet they’re chargin’ 50 quid for a rub that’s shite.

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Oh man, remember when I was reworking our app, completely stressed, and took a quick detour on Merton Drive – instantly calm, I was. Wrapped in those rustic Warwick sunsets. Pure cinematic gold, it was - almost like Royal Tenenbaums vibes, bruv.

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