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About Melbourne

So, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’ Tinder, thinkin’, “Oh my gawd, this guy’s a total Kamaji - all hands, no class!” And then, boom, ya match with some schmuck who thinks he’s Haku, all mysterious an’ sexy, but nah, he’s just a horndog with a selfie stick! *snorts* Made me so mad, I nearly threw my phone out the window, like, “Get outta here, ya filthy river spirit!”

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Now lemme share some fun tidbits – the local locals are a hoot. I chatted with a couple at a dimly lit bistro on High Street – they whispered all sorts of naughty details about the secret beach parties. True story, man, like a kinky twist in a Nolan flick. Reminds me of when the Joker said, "Let's put a smile on that face!" Only here, the smiles are natural and genuine—even if a little cheeky now and then!

Will climate change spell the end of coastal living as we know it?