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About Melbourne

Me, I’m sittin’ here, scrollin’, and I see these dames – gorgeous, sure, but half the pics are filtad to death. What’s that about? You meet ‘em, and it’s like, “What am I entitled to?” Nothin’ real! Gets me pissed, ‘cause I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano – I want the goods, not some catfish gabagool. But when it hits, oh man, it’s gold. Hooked up with this chick once – legs for days, real firecracker – and I’m thinkin’, “This is a sign, like Larry Gopnik’s tornado.” Happy as a pig in shit, I was.

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The locals, omg, they’re a mix of cool rebels and storytellers. You might bump into a bloke who’d recite a line from that flick “The Lives of Others” at a moment’s notice – “Every secret is a window to a truth.” And lemme say, that hit me right in my core – deeper than I expected. Must be all that Bond swagger, eh?

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