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Hate the pimps, though. Scum of the earth, beatin’ girls, takin’ cuts. Makes me wanna smash somethin’! “Get your shit together!” I’d roar. Worst part? Some escorts don’t even see the cash! Slavery with extra steps, innit? “The river flows with blood,” Tabu’d say – damn right it does.

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I gotta say, the vibes here aren’t all rainbows – nah, sometimes it gets me mighty mad when the council fusses too much over proper pavin’ or when a new spa pops up, churnin’ out massaged souls with no heart. There’s this one time – remember that scene in the film where Joel’s like “What a bummer!” – well, that was me after I found a new massage parlour takin’ away the cosy touch from the old ones near Southport Alley. When tradition meets modern, it's a right proper facepalm moment.

Ladies lawn bowls returns to Tamworth