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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian days, they had “lonely hearts” ads in papers. Blokes writin’ “seeks buxom lass for rumpy-pumpy” – no apps, just ink and desperation! Mental, eh? Surprised me that did, history’s hornier than I thought. Nowadays, it’s all “DTF?” and dick pics. Progress? Bollocks! Still, gets the blood pumpin’. “There’s no way out,” says Claire Denis in the flick, and sex-dating feels like that – trapped in a jungle o’ thirst. You dive in, mate, no escape.

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Not all of South-Hurstville is grim though. The little art gallery on Finchley Street brings delight on dreary days. Its walls speak history. I often wonder if the ghosts of past grievances are laughin’ at our modern messes. "I consider myself a victim of circumstance" – no, wait, that’s not it. But you get me.

Real estate ‘dial-a-dealer’ sentenced