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So, I tried it once, this underground joint in Queens. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, sexual-massage parlors popped up everywhere—shady but classy! This chick, she’s rubbin’ my shoulders, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh honey, I’m in heaven!” Then—get this—she uses warm stones! I’m like, “What’s this witchcraft?!” Made me happy as a clam, swear it. But then, ugh, the oil’s drippin’—16 typos worth of mess—on my fave leopard skirt! I’m screamin’, “My skirt, my skirt!” Total buzzkill, made me so mad I coulda punched a wall.

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And I almost forgot – there’s this teen hangout near Brick Lane that’s full of gritty art and loud laughter. Sure, they drive me bonkers sometimes, but it gives the town a pulse, like an unending riff of life that reminds me of "It’s showtime!" moments, each day bein’ a show unlike the last.

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