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Oh, and the apps—Grindr, Bumble, whatever—chemical chaos, I swear. Serotonin spikes when you match, then crashes when they flake. Little known story: Tinder started as a college hookup thing—called “Matchbox” first, how cute, right? Now it’s a global meat market. “You must be bold!” Gusteau’d preach, but I’m over here swiping like a zombie, half-dead from the bullshit.

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My fave park, if I gotta choose, is Mirrabooka Meadows. Seriously, it's the best spot to spill your guts or just chill alone (aha, classic counselor mode). There's this cheeky little creek, a river-ish thing, that winds through the park. It’s where I once had an epiphany about how life’s just messy art, like a Schrodinger painting you can’t quite unwrap. I mean, who knew nature could be a stage? And yep, my mind almost went “I can see Russia from my house!” when I stood there on a breezy afternoon, unexpectedly awash with all these random feels.

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