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About Melbourne

I’m ready! I ask, “How’s it work?” She rolls her eyes—ugh, rude! Says, “Cash upfront, kid.” I’m like, “I got jellyfish jam!” She ain’t impressed. “Man’s a beast,” she grumbles—another *Leviathan* zinger! I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a sponge!” Total mismatch, right? Laughed so hard I squeaked!

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This place got a river – the Schnizzle Creek (yeah, don’t ask me what the heck it even means, sounds random, right?) that slices through the town like a rugged piece of art. My best date ever was by its banks, the reflections in the water lookin’ all dramatic, oh-so-Melancholic 2011 vibe sorta. In fact, one evening I sat on the weathered steps of the old town library on Quirk Road, capturin’ sunsets that had me blabberin’ about fate and destiny – kinda like my app’s algorithm sometimes goes bonkers, ugh surprise match after surprise match.

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