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Oh, and—heh-heh-heh—once I tried flirtin’ with this surfer dude, thinkin’ I’d channel my inner vixen, y’know, like a whore with sass? Total flop! He just stared, like, “Lady, what?” I’m no pro, hon—I’ll stick to wisecracks and nannyin’! But them real ones? They’ve got magic, I swear. “You must be imaginative, strong-hearted,” Gusteau says—fits ‘em perfect!

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Then there's our parks, oh man, they're like secret escape hatches. Ipswich Park offers lush greenery and hidden corners where I sometimes have to vent after a long day of kneading knotted muscles. I swear, sometimes the wind whispers like C-3PO, panicked and all: "Oh dear, oh dear, check the corners!" And I laugh 'cause it’s just nature’s silly way. Truth is, my massage clients often spill their guts here, and the park listens – more than any fancy therapist sometimes.

Man injured in shooting in northern Melbourne suburb of Pascoe Vale takes himself to hospital