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About Melbourne

Hey, so I’m a baker, right? Tina Fey style—snarky, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes. And I’m thinkin’ bout prostitutes today. Yeah, hookers, sex workers, whatever ya call ‘em. Got me all riled up, like when I burn a damn loaf. Picture this—me, kneadin’ dough, watchin’ *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*. That slow-burn masterpiece, 2007, Andrew Dominik—chef’s kiss, ya know? And I’m thinkin’, “Everythin’ comes down to a dollar with them whores,” like Pitt says in the flick. Ain’t that the truth?

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My fave spot? Oh man, gotta say it's the little park on Dune Crescent. I often clandestinely spark lively convos about body positivity under the shade of its ancient gum trees. The vibe there is so raw it makes ya wanna live a hundred lives at once. Sometimes I get so enthused that I even break into a spontaneous monologue quoting, "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring!" as if the seasons themselves were foretelling desires.

Lights up: Ocean Grove shines brighter for junior sports