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Funniest bit – this one time, matched a lass who only talked in *Memento* quotes. “Memory’s unreliable,” she texts, mid-date. I’m like, what the fuck, are we banging or solving a puzzle? Cracked me up, tho – ended up shagging anyway, so who cares? Sex-dating’s wild like that – half the time you’re confused, half the time you’re horny. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through the madness, mate.

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Oh, yessss, precious, listen, listen! Noosaville, oh noosaville, it's a rollicking, twisty town near our lovely Noosa shores, yessss. Me, the relaxation master, I’ve dwelt here long – oh, so long – amongst winding lanes, cozy corners, and bursts of sunshine. You know, precious, if I were to spill the beans right, imagine strolling down River Esplanade, heh, where the calm Noosa River hugs the banks like a good, warm cuddle. Nearby, at Loch Street – oh, that’s a favorite – you catch bits of the local soul, little shops and cafes that whisper stories, they do.

Charges laid after two Noosaville men were stabbed