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About Melbourne

So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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Now, the neighborhoods here? The best are Westwood and Eastview. These places are so vibrant, so colorful, they make you forget everything even exists outside this little slice of paradise. I was walkin’ down Corrigan Street—ya know, that one with the quirky little art murals and graffiti that tell stories—when I nearly bawled. True story, true feelings, they’re a big deal, huge in impact, like Trump-style BIG, they are!

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