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An’ don’t get me started on them dick pics! *screeches* Nasty, nasty hobbitses sendin’ ‘em! Like, mate, I don’t wanna see yer “magic flute” – keep it in yer pants! Reminds me o’ that line – “The world’s a cruel place.” Too right, Del Toro, too right! Sex-dating’s fun ‘til it ain’t – then it’s a bloody labyrinth, twistin’ ya up.

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Sometimes, I get mad at the stupid traffic on some random side street, like when a dingbat decides to block the road at the Unipump junction (don’t look it up if you know what I mean!). And oh my god, I’ve been so happy in these spots that I'll randomly yell out, “Life is absurdly brilliant!” It's all so blunt and weird and perfectly imperfect.

Snow road trip Sydney to Jindabyne – foodie stops along the way