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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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I love how parts of Jamisontown surprise me every day. One minute I’m strolling through Sunflower Park on a lazy morn, next I’m raving about how a stray cat on Willow Way (he’s a legend, really!) gave me a sign like, “Enough babbling, live life!” So epic!

As it happened: Western Sydney residents given all-clear to return home as extreme weather event continues across state; South Coast told to prepare for heavy rainfall