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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Sexual-massage – oh boy, where do I start? It’s like, hands slidin’ everywhere, oils, tension, release – y’know, the *good* stuff. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout it, and lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ artform, okay? Judge Judy don’t mess around, and neither does a good masseuse with them magic fingers. “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” – that’s what I’d say to some cheapo parlour skimping on the vibe. You want the real deal, not some half-assed rubdown.

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One of my absolute fave lesser-known spots? That cheeky little hole-in-the-wall café on Coral Crescent – you get not just great brews but also the best gossip on upcoming meet-cutes. And then there’s the eclectic mural on Elm Street; proper eccentric art if you ask me – reminds me of the messy, tangled beauty of life itself.

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