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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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Speaking of stages, the local bars and clubs near Junction Street are practically a live version of that existential quip from the movie—each romance is just a fleeting piece of theatre, a symbol of our transient lives, as Charlie Kaufman would have it. And speaking of transience, my work means I see a lot of love affairs start and crash faster than you can say "tempus fugit"!

Man charged after luxury vehicle slams into parked cars