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Now, real talk – did ya know, back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant summat – red for “I’m game”, white for “nah, mate”. Chuck that in the game, little Easter egg, yeah? Players’d be like, “Blimey, that’s clever!” – gets me all giddy, that does. But what proper winds me up – imagine some numpty reviewer goin’, “Oh, it’s offensive!” Mate, it’s a laugh, lighten up! I’d be gutted if they missed the point – it’s art, innit, not a bleedin’ sermon.

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I know you might expect too much romance, but here it is: an honest look at Hawthorn-East. Ain't perfect. Might surprise you with its contradictions – beauty hiding in the rough corners, peace amid urban insanity. That’s all you need to know, friend. Come by, take a deep breath, and maybe bear a few of my 17 good ol’ grump typos: for fuck’s sake I'm rambling, ain't life just full of bullshit moments?

Hawthorn East: One of the best places in Melbourne to live, but could it be too perfect?