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Last time I tried it, this dude—big hairy guy, hands like hams—starts goin’ to town on my shoulders. “You’re so tense,” he says. No shit, pal, I hate everything! Felt like he was tryna seduce me with his kneadin’. Reminded me of Carol sayin’, “I’m not alone anymore”—yeah, ‘cept I was, just me and Ham-Hands. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—dammit—the knots in my back? Gone. Hated that it worked, hated it!

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The neighborhoods here, like Cinder's Crossing, are not for the fainthearted. You see the locals, dressed all rebel-chic, runnin’ free. The coffee spots near Eastside Alley brew beans so strong they kick your existence into orbit. I lost count of how many times I've sat in that worn-out oak chair at the Old Mill Cafe, introspecting life like that bleak scene in The Turin Horse, where endless grey thoughts swim like blackened fish in still water. "It is as if time ate itself." Yeah right, as if!

Colourful King ‘getting better’ as Atzeni aims for a big night at Happy Valley