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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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I also hang around Snapper’s Café on the corner of Main and Luck – little dive with killer coffee and sassy WiFi. I spent one morning there, I mean, jabbin’ with a lady who recited “life is fleeting, like a whisper in the darkness” – that hit right down the feels, man!

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