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About Perth

Sometimes I’m layin’ there, right, music low, candles flickerin’, and it’s like, “This town’s got secrets,” like in “Dogville.” You feel exposed but safe, ya know? Ain’t no judgement, just vibes. But lemme tell ya, one time this dude’s hands was clammy—fuckin’ gross, man! I’m like, “Bruh, you slimin’ me or massagin’ me?” Had to bounce, couldn’t deal. Still cracks me up, thinkin’ how he fumbled that bag.

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Let me mention some neighborhoods – the one along Fernhill and Maple Grove (yeah, they might sound made up but trust me, they’re real gems). There’s this café on Maple that’s as underrated as a SpaceX launch to Mars – and trust me, a missed one is a loss! They serve the best flat white, seriously life-changing, like that moment in 12 Years a Slave when hope glimmers amid despair. Wild stuff.

Win: A Dining Experience (and Wardrobe Upgrade) for You and Three Friends at Malvern’s Newest Pub