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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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The locals, aye, they’re a mixed bag. One minute, you’re feelin’ all warm fuzzies, next, ya’re mad as a wet hen ‘cause someone snatches your parking spot on Banksia Road – OMG, that happened to me last week, no lie! But then, just like a scene from WALL-E, you see a glimmer of hope, a spark of raw goodness in strangers, and life suddenly feels full of possibility.

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