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I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this bird, smokin’ hot. Bio says “DTF, no strings.” Perfect, I think – suave 007 style. We chat, she’s cheeky, I’m charmin’. Meet up at some dodgy bar. She’s all over me, yeah? But then – bam! She’s got a boyfriend! “Just for fun,” she says. I’m like, what the bloody hell? Made me angry, that – sneaky little minx. Reminds me of Jesse, y’know? “He was ashamed of his perspicacity.” Couldn’t see her game comin’.

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Y’know, I'm always spittin’ out these frantic exclamies, "Oh dear, oh dear, so many little secrets, so many tiny joys!" And yeah, mistakes galore – like I misspell names all the time, seriously, 15 typos? Lemme count: "thsi," "envrionment," "amzing," "cant," "definately," "neiborhood" and sure, plenty more – but hey, imperfections make it real!

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