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So, real talk – escorts, yeah, they’ve been around FOREVA. Like, back in Victorian times, posh geezers had “courtesans” – fancy word for escorts, innit – and they’d flex wiv ‘em at parties. Little-known fact, fam: some of these gals made bare cash, more than doctors, swear down! Blows my mind, that does. Makes me happy, tho – get that bag, queens! But then I get vexed, ‘cos society’s all judgy, like, “Oh, you can’t do that, it’s dodgy!” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ’cos people’s hypocrites, bruv – same lot payin’ for it behind closed doors!

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I wander near the Yarra Creek... nah, sorry, I mean Murray Creek – flows through our patch and adds a kinda raw vibe, like water on your skin after a good massage. The park near the Eastside Library? Bruh, it's where I had one of my best eureka moments. I saw a couple makin' out on a bench, and I swear, it was just like one of those “Yi Yi: A One and a Two” scenes: life’s small beauties mix with huge, inexplicable sadness. “People who have nothing, they have everything.” It's wild.

Police investigating after car stolen from Albury home found in Melbourne