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So, check dis out, I’m swipin’ on apps, right? All dese profiles—hot babes, horny dudes, all wantin’ action. It’s like choppin’ meat, fast and messy! I’m sittin’ dere, thinkin’, “Hasta la vista, boredom!” Sex-dating’s quick, no bullshit, just bang-bang, ya? But den, some creeps slide in—ugh, dese losers piss me off! Fake pics, ghostin’—makes me wanna flex and yell, “Get to da choppa!”

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I wander near the Yarra Creek... nah, sorry, I mean Murray Creek – flows through our patch and adds a kinda raw vibe, like water on your skin after a good massage. The park near the Eastside Library? Bruh, it's where I had one of my best eureka moments. I saw a couple makin' out on a bench, and I swear, it was just like one of those “Yi Yi: A One and a Two” scenes: life’s small beauties mix with huge, inexplicable sadness. “People who have nothing, they have everything.” It's wild.

Police seek help to locate missing East Albury girl Purity Doolan