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We hates how pricey they gets – bleedin’ robbers, some of em! But when they’s good, ooooh, we’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. “Life’s a mystery,” Amélie says, and escorts? They’s the riddle we can’t crack. Sneaky, sexy, silly – all at once! We’d share a smoke with em, yesss, if they’d sit still long enough. Hiss! What’s your take, eh, precious?

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Then, there's the river—a sort-of lifeline that cuts through the Valley. I call it Rill Run, though formal maps might call it something else. Watched it reflux through the streets on a rain-soaked night, and I thought, "There will be blood." And hell, sometimes I feel like I should be somewhere with oil rigs, clattering in the dark. Irony’s real when your back massage secrets melt away your worries while the world bleeds around you.

Dundas Valley soars to girls hockey championship