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Me, I’d rather sip ale than swipe. Sex-dating’s got perks, tho – quick hookups, no strings, boom! But it pisses me off when twats ghost ya mid-chat. Like, mate, say somethin’! “What do we do with the body?” – that’s me, wonderin’ where the convo died. Hate the fakes too – catfishes with pics from 10 years ago. Bollocks to that!

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Now, lemme rap about my fave spots. There's a hidden park off Maple Loop. No one ever yaps about it. It's a quiet rebel, like a well-camouflaged secret that lets you escape the city's madness. The trees in that corner? They whisper more than your gossiping neighbor, and sometimes I wonder if they hold secrets of their own. I panicked once by a noisy bunch near it, swearing the earth itself was trying to come up for a fuckin' chat.

Featured Athlete of the Week – Julia Sylvester – Dundas Valley