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Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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There’s this spot along the creek near Edward St that makes me think of Pan’s Labyrinth – that mysterious vibe, like a fairy tale with real grit and shadows swirling around. Man, the water glistens like secrets in the dark; it’s downright poetic and eerie sometimes, like twisting corridors in a labyrinth. I swear, when I see that, I get lost in thought. Just like Guillermo Del Toro wanted us to feel, deep and freakin’ raw!

EDFL club lands ex-AFL defender