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But then—BOOM—ya strike gold sometimes. Met this gal, total spark, we’re vibin’. Took her for coffee, and she’s all, “I just wanna fuck, no strings.” I’m like, hell yeah, doc! Felt like Theo in the movie, dodgin’ bullets, but instead it’s clingy exes. Sex-dating’s got that rush—quick, dirty, no bullshit. Little secret? Back in ‘98, folks used chatrooms for this—ICQ, AOL, sneaky as hell. No pics, just words, and you’d still get laid. Wild, right?

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One of my all-time fav spots, and I say this with a wink, is the little park near Gildwyk Crescent. I used to meet some lovelies there for long chats about, err, intimacy and connection – my professional take, though I’m not one to shy away from it. Yeah, I might get a tad cheeky discussing all the little quirks of human desire among the eucalyptus and the whispering trees. It's magical in some mad way, almost like how WALL-E finds beauty in the most unlikely spots.

Dandenong North joins Melbourne’s million-dollar belt with second seven-figure sale