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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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Yo, listen up, buddy! I'm Mr. T – the Croy-don guru, and lemme tell ya 'bout my stompin' ground in PCroydon (au)! I gotta say, this place is wild, lively and fulla heart – like, seriously, I pity the fool who doesn't see its charm!

Police investigate fatal Croydon collision