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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Cootamundra’s got some real character spots that I cherish: there’s a little coffee joint on Baker Street where the espresso will knock yer socks off, and a hidden sex shop off Victoria Road, if ya catch my drift, that gives me ideas for my career. Listen, I'm a sexologist, I see stuff others don’t, ya know? I catch the subtle glances, the whispered nuances. The town’s energy? It's like every corner holds a secret, a hidden passion, just waitin' to be explored (hey, I ain't no prude!).

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