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About Melbourne

So, sex-dating—man, it’s nuts! Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure hookup central. Did ya know, back in ‘15, some dude matched every chick in his city? Swiped ‘til his thumb bled—true story! Hilarious, right? I cackle thinkin’ bout it. But it ain’t all giggles. Some creeps slide in with dick pics—BOOM—unasked for! Pisses me off, like Gusteau’s kitchen gettin’ trashed. Why so gross, fellas? Keep it classy, ya animals!

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We got Main Street—big, bustling Main Street you knows! Yess, that’s where yer find the old Collie Tavern, with its creaky wooden sign, and tiny lanes off it, like Lizard Lane (I think it’s called that, but sss, my brain’s a bit scrambled sometimes, oh precious, oh yes). And then, there’s Fairview Road, the path to the park. How could I forget, precious, yes? The park is a calm here, quiet. Trees whisper secrets, they do, especially on those mad, windy nights when I get all troubled in me head, yess.

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