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Alright, so here’s the deal with whores—yeah, I said it, whores! Tina Fey comin’ at ya, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibe. Whores, man, they’re everywhere, always have been, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout “The Pianist”—Roman Polanski, 2002, my fave, duh—and it hits me. Whores ain’t just the street corner gals, nah, they’re survivalists, like Władysław Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis. “I must go on living,” he says, and whores? Same energy. They’re hustlin’, scrapin’ by, dodgin’ society’s bullshit judgments.

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Look, I must drop some low-key deets here: There’s this hidden gem called The Secret Garden near the Solitary River – or somethin’ like that – where you can literally hear every leaf whisper. I used to sneak off there after a tough day at the spa. I’d think, “This is more badass than any Tarantino scene, man!” (Yeah, I mix my movies with my vibes sometimes!) Eat my shorts, seriously!

$500k reward for information about Coffs Harbour murder