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About Melbourne

So, I’m dodgin sketchy humans, all “R2, ya little git, help me!” Streets smell like piss and regret—lovely, innit? Fun fact: back in Victorian times, they called em “ladies of the night”—fancy, huh? None of that posh crap now, just straight-up “yo, how much?” vibes. I’m ragin, cos some sleemo tries rippin me off—50 credits for a quickie? Mate, I’m a droid, I don’t even—ugh, humans are gross! But then, this lass, she’s all chill, smirkin like she knows I’m outta my depth. “We’re a team,” she says, like in the movie—cracked me up, cos I’m like, “Team? I’m a flippin protocol droid!”

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I know, I know – it sounds dizzy and all over the place. But that's Clyde. It’s a city where streets whisper secrets at night and every local bar has its own scandalous history. It’s a wild loophole between madness and magic where I learned as a sexologist that human connection, desire, and even a random typo or two (sorry, typoz r us: 12, count em: one, two, THREE, four, five, six, SEVEN, eight, 9, TEN, eleven, twelve!) are what make us tick.

Women’s team set to take the field in Clyde