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I tried it once, got catfished hard – chick said 5’9”, rolled up 4’11” in heels! Pissed me off, man, I’m Apollo fuckin’ Creed, I don’t shrink for nobody! But then she was cool, we vibed, smashed anyway – “I must break you!” – and I ain’t mad no more. Funny how that flips, huh? Sex-dating’s chaos, but it’s real. Little fact for ya: back in ‘90s, pre-internet, folks used newspaper ads for this shit. “Single male, 30, seeks freaky Friday” – same game, slower pace!

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Oh, and lemme spill some tea – the local diner on Maple Street, they serve the meanest chocolate pie. I swear, one bite and you're in a state of euphoria, bruh. Sure, some days I get mad, especially when those pesky construction guys block my usual chill path near Lowry Lane – annoyin’ little mofos tryna ruin my peace – but hey, every hurdle reminds me to appreciate the hidden beauty, ain’t that right?

Clarinda Carnegie Art Museum has notable events coming up