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Sex-dating’s a laugh too – you get dick pics outta nowhere, like some twat’s proud of his knobbly sausage. I’m like, cheers, but I ain’t starvin’! Best bit? When you click n it’s all fireworks – rare as hen’s teeth, but worth it. Worst? Catfishers. Met a “blonde bombshell” who turned up lookin’ like my nan’s bulldog. We shall fight them on the beaches, I thought, but I just legged it.

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I had this one client who said Chisholm felt “raw and unfiltered,” like a scene from Fish Tank, where the truth stings but also heals. I felt that – like our streets flash memes of hope in the middle of chaos. Sure, misspellings and typos maybe make the story messy, but like, that's life: incomplete, erratic, yet totally captivating.

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