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But oh, the highs? When it works, it’s gold. Met this one chick—fiery, all sass, matched my vibe. We’re chattin’, flirtin’, next thing ya know, it’s a hotel room tango. Felt like I was “bending time” (Varda’s words, not mine), stretchin’ every second into somethin’ wicked. That’s the thrill—ya never know if yer gettin’ a goddess or a gremlin. Keeps me buzzin’, ya feel?

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The vibe here is somethin’ else. I used to be all stressed and uptight. Then I found serenity by the river – yes, the Mighty Chirn River runs by Chillout Park. That park is where I meditate. It’s real magical, like "I saw the whole new world" kinda scene, honey, just like Terrence Malick said. Sometimes, when I sit by the water, I whisper, “This right here is our new world,” and I feel blessed – baby, lawd have mercy.

Chirnside Park’s palatial mansion back up for grabs, with $9 million asking price