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About Wollongong

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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There’s a gem called Beneath Bridge Park, near the old canal. I used to chill there when I needed to get away – the reflections in the water remind you to never stop searching for that warm, hidden truth. I legit got super mad once when a bunch of noisy tourists ruined the vibe… like, come on, leave the quiet for us locals! It made me really want to grab a guitar and sing about lost innocence and returning hearts.

Pub Of The Week: Tony Leonard reviews the Chelsea Heights Hotel