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Oh, and don’t get me started on the music—flutes and whale sounds? Lame! Crank some metal, let’s get freaky! I’d kill for a massage where the chick’s whisperin’ dirty nothings—way hotter than “You’re so tight.” Duh, that’s why I’m here! Pro tip: coconut oil’s the bomb—smells like paradise, slick as sin. Once had a gal use too much—slid right off the table, landed ass-up, laughin’ like a hyena! True story, swear it!

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Local landmarks? Hell yea, the Carlingford Civic Centre is where the community gets lit with events. I remember one wild night when I got a freakin’ last-minute gig right near the park—Carlingford Central Park—an oasis in the middle of all the hustle. Green trees, a tricklin’ creek, and benches where elders chill and kids laugh non-stop. That park got me feelin’ like I'm in one of those trippy scenes from "Syndromes and a Century"—ya know, all like, "the body is a vehicle of sensation" and stuff like that. It made me feel all zen and outta this world, like, "yo, dat dreamscape is real, fo’ shizzle!"

Vicinity Centres exceeds its targeted $250m of asset divestments for FY25