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Back in the day, mate, Escort Mk1, pure beast, rally legend, y’know? Little known fact – they smashed Monte Carlo ‘71, Hannu Mikkola drivin’ like a lunatic! Blew me mind, that did! Proper fast, them Escorts, not like today’s boring hatchbacks – nah, these ‘ad soul, mate! “The spectacle’s over,” like Sorrentino says, but Escorts? Timeless, man, fuckin’ timeless!

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The streets are a bit wonky, kinda like me after a long day of kneading out knots. I mean, every corner's got its quirks. Check it: there's a tiny café on Morton Lane that only opens till noon because the owner’s too busy philosophizing about life – thinking like he’s in some black-and-white movie. And trust me, as I rub folks down, I get front row seats to the drama of real life. Sometimes, I even joke, "Hey, motherf***er, life ain't no fairy tale, it's more like a damn thriller!"

'Unauthorised' puberty blockers allegedly prescribed to children as young as 12 in Queensland