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The rubdown itself? Slippery chaos! This chick’s hands—pro, total pro—slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed? Am I busted?” My neurotic brain’s screamin’, “You’re a perv, Larry!” But it’s legal, mostly—depends where ya go. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, bubble baths included! I’m jealous, enraged—why ain’t that here? I’d be sudsed up, livin’ large! Instead, I’m stuck with lavender oil and a towel smaller than my dignity.

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I remember this one time, walking on Gumball Street, near the old library (a real gem!). I bumped into an elderly lady who told me, “Sometimes I wonder why we keep trying to make sense of nonsense.” Dang, that hit me right in the feels. As I always say in sessions, “Life is just moments stitched together like a surreal quilt.” And man, that quilty vibe totally reminds me of Synecdoche, New York.

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