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Alright, mate, listen up—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’m a Nose, yeah, sniffin’ out the dirt in this sex-dating game. It’s wild, innit? Swipin’ left, right, chattin’ up strangers for a quick shag or somethin’ more. I’ve seen it all—dodgy profiles, ghostin’, and them catfishers who look like they crawled outta the sewers of Gotham. Makes me wanna smash somethin’, but also laugh, coz it’s so bloody absurd.

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I remember one day, I sat on a bench near Central Deborah Gold Mine (a bit dramatic, I know). I felt so tiny then, yet the city roared with timeless vibrancy. It got me thinkin’, "Is this not life?" like that absurd, yet brilliant spark in Toni Erdmann, "I'm the best version of me!" And dang, was I ever surprised.

EGAN, Shirley Patricia