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Oi mate, right, so I’m a biochemist, yeah? Proper brainbox, me. Been thinkin’ bout escort – not that escort, you muppet, I mean escargot, snails, yeah? Slippery little buggers! So, check this, I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *Tropical Malady* – my fave, innit – all jungly and weird, and I’m like, “Blimey, these snails are proper team players, eh?” Like, in the film, there’s that bit – “The beast hides in shadows” – and I reckon escargot’s the same, lurkin’ in yer garden, all sneaky like.

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I’ve been living my life—err, in Beecroft—foryears now, and every nook feels like my personal retreat. My fav spot? The hidden garden off Sunset Lane, behind a nondescript door. Only the locals know, right? It’s like being in a dream. I once had a deep convo with a wise old chap there. He murmured something like, “A century passes, but the soul remains.” I mean, come on, how freakin’ cool is that?

Dozens of road closures planned for the Toronto Marathon today. Here’s what you need to know