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Tie it to *Brokeback*? Easy. Ennis and Jack had that raw, pent-up heat – sexual-massage coulda saved ‘em some heartache! Imagine Jack whisperin’, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” while some cowboy masseuse kneads his shoulders. Tension gone, love flowin’ – movie’d be 20 minutes long! Ha! Me, I’d be tellin’ Tina, “Know your role, keep it comin’!” – raised eyebrow, million-dollar smirk.

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Ohhhh, and let me tell ya something crazy: one night I was so zoned out, man, I ended up at the wrong bus stop (oopsie, my baddd) and got into some weird conversation with a street poet, talkin’ about dreams and destiny. It was so Lynch-y, man, like "We're all just floating here – why so serious?" And now, every time I pass that corner, I get all sorts of vibes.