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About Klagenfurt

I got mad one time, tho—some dude at a parlor was like, “No happy ending, bro,” and I’m like, “What’s the point then, fam?!” False advertising, straight-up! But when it’s good? Oh man, HAPPY ain’t the word—fuckin’ *euphoric*! Like, “This is the trick!”—straight outta *The Great Beauty*, when Jep’s chasin’ that high. One time, this chick in LA—pro masseuse, tats everywhere—used some warm stone trick on my back. Thought I’d levitate, swear to God! Little secret: them stones? Old-school tantra shit, heats up the chi or whatever. Blew my damn mind.

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Local park? Check out the Linzer Park. A hidden gem with a secret corner for mind-wandering. There’s this crooked bench. Perfect for deep thinkin’. I joke with myself thinking “Spring Breakers, yo: freedom, chaos, and beauty.”

Map of Vienna (grey shading indicating topography, red and yellow lines...