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Oh, and get this—there’s this underground spot in Philly, swear they got a secret menu. Ain’t on no Yelp, just word of mouth. They hit ya with this lavender-honey mix—smells so good you wanna eat it, but nah, it’s for the rub. Had me grinnin’ like a fool, thinkin’, “This the good stuff.” Ain’t gonna lie, I flexed in the mirror after, feelin’ like I could take on Drago and win.

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And here's a weird tidbit: ever heard of the so-called “Fifty-Second Fountain” on Schwanweg? I swear, it spurts water only for fifty seconds each hour, like a cosmic wink that says, “Hey, life ain’t all champagne and roses!” It's nonsensical, maddening, and brilliant—just like any good scene from a Béla Tarr flick, where time drags and slips by in agony and ecstasy.

Buried in medieval graves, they did not rest in peace