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She’s got dis vibe, tho – makes ya mad, happy, all at once. Like, one time, I heard dis story – true stuff, doc! – some john left her a freakin’ *castle* in his will. A CASTLE! Who does dat? Made me laugh so hard I choked on my carrot. But den, I got pissed – why’s she gettin’ castles while I’m stuck dodgin’ Elmer Fudd? Ain’t fair, doc, ain’t fair.

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No, wait – let me add a fun fact: down by the little water channel near the old mill is where I once counseled a dear lady who said she could “feel the raw pulse of Ausgleich in the water.” Totally bizarre, right? I was like, "What, are you in a Dogville scene?" but hey, you live and learn.

Families of Epe boat mishap victim get N3.5m compensation