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Me fave bit? When she tried chattin’ me up, like, “You’re well fit.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, love, I’m a bleedin’ catch—like Chas Tenenbaum with his tracksuits!” Proper buzzin’ after, but next day—guilt, bruv. Cargo life’s lonely, yeah—makes ya do mad tings. “I’m not talkin’ about dance lessons!”—that’s me yellin’ at meself in the mirror after. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ movie scene!

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Finally, I get to the office, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m a zombie. I’m like, “What’s up, folks?” They’re all serious, talkin’ about budgets and stuff. I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ not to zone out. I mean, who cares about numbers when you’ve got monkeys and soccer balls in your head?

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