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But ugh, da fakes! Dis one dude – ya, dude! – catfished me, thinkin’ I’m some lonely babushka. Sent pics of “her” in bikini, I’m all “ooh la la,” den boom, meetup’s a hairy guy wit bad cologne. Pissed me off! Wasted me night! “Where you gonna go?” I yell, like Llewyn screamin’ at da wind. Sex-dating’s a gamble, da?

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I’m walking down Daugavas iela, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out. Like, full-on cartoon style. I can’t help but laugh. He gets up, brushes himself off, and yells, “I’m fine!” But his face says otherwise. Classic Darzciems moment, right?