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Here’s a kicker—did ya know some prostitues in the 1800s played fiddle to lure guys? True shit, read it somewhere. Told her that, she laughed, said, “Maybe I shoulda hired you.” Burn! Got me good. I’m likin her sass, tho. Makes me happy, weirdly. Usually I’m all gloom, sawin wood for violins, but she’s sparkin somethin.

COMING SOON

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I bump into this old bloke, Mr. Thompson. He’s always ranting about something. Today, it’s about the state of the roads. “Have you seen the potholes on Baildon Road?” he yells. I’m like, “Chill, mate, it’s just a pothole.” But he’s going off about how it’s gonna swallow a car whole. I mean, he’s not wrong, but c’mon, it’s Baildon, not the moon!

Missing Bradford teenage girl found safe and well