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Thee ever tried it? It’s a laugh, swear! Profiles promisin’ “fun, no strings,” but half the time, mate, they ghost ya faster than Hamlet’s dad! Little fact for thee—didst thou know, back in ‘15, some bloke matched every lass in his city? Mad lad swiped right ‘til the app broke—true story, got me cackling! Sex-dating’s a dice roll, innit? One night, thou’rt a king, next, a fool weepin’ o’er stale beer.

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I duck into a nearby shop on Kullavägen. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got the best hot chocolate. I order one, and while I’m waitin’, I see this old lady. She’s got a shopping cart full of flowers. I mean, who buys that many flowers? She starts talkin’ to me about her garden. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m just tryin’ to get my hot chocolate.”

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